Does something not seem right?
Who is in your elderly loved ones’ lives, besides you? Never
underestimate those people’s influence, whether they are family members,
outside caregivers you have engaged, or
just someone whom your elder has
befriended. Unfortunately, their influence can be negative, and even
devastating, as there are many who will take advantage of an elder’s trust to
steal money and other assets. If there is cognitive impairment, the
exploitation becomes easier. As a loving and caring family member, you are the first line of defense against
exploitation, and it is a duty that cannot be delegated or outsourced!
Although you might not be able to be with your elders as
much as you would like, you can help protect them by watching for signs such as
these, and responding quickly:
Isolation is the
exploiter’s sharpest tool. When you call, does the caregiver answer, and
tell you the elder is sleeping, or for some other reason can’t come to the
phone? Does the caregiver find ways to make sure you aren’t able to speak with
your elder one-on-one; for example, managing to be present every time you
visit, and perhaps answering questions you have asked your loved one directly?
The caregiver might be suggesting to your elder that you are no longer
attentive because you don’t call. And being present during visits can be the
caregiver’s way of inhibiting a conversation that otherwise might reveal undue influence.
Look at the relationship…if the caregiver is between you and your loved one in
any way, something isn’t right.
Don’t let it happen.
All phones make outbound calls, and long distance is cheap. If your elder can’t
come to the phone when you call, leave a message to call you. If it doesn’t
happen, follow up. And when you visit, take your elder to lunch or dinner,
without the caregiver. The elder probably will appreciate the opportunity to
get out. (And good caregivers will appreciate the break!)
In the case of hired
caregivers, execute a written agreement that the caregiver will not
accept gifts of any kind, including bequests in a will. This might mean
modifying the standard agreement. It also is advisable to hire the caregiver
through an agency that is bonded (providing you a way to recover in case of
theft), has professional liability insurance, and conducts thorough background
checks on its applicants. (But a clean background report doesn’t necessarily
mean the caregiver would not take advantage of an opportunity.)
Talk to the caregiver about his or her own family, and
interests, and encourage conversation about your elder’s well-being. Listen for
inconsistencies and evasion. If you ever get to a point where you are
uncomfortable with the caregiver for any reason, terminate the relationship.
You don’t need to explain or apologize. Protecting your elder outweighs all
other considerations.
Is money
disappearing? Warning signs include checks written to people you don’t
know, gifts to the caregiver, an unusual number of cash withdrawals, use of an
ATM when the person has not used one in the past, lack of amenities the elder
could afford, inappropriate or questionable investments or financial
instruments, and hesitancy to answer questions about financial transactions. If
a caregiver is dependent on the elder for support (sometimes the case with a
family caregiver), the risk of exploitation often increases.
Don’t let it happen.
If you have durable power of attorney, you can receive duplicate copies of your
elder’s bank statements and bills, or view them online. Having power of
attorney also might make your elder more willing to answer questions about
financial transactions that don’t seem right to you. If you live close to your
elder, consider having his/her mail go to a post office box, and pick up the
mail yourself. Otherwise, an exploiter might intercept the mail…including bank
statements. Sometimes exploiters have changed the address for bank and credit
card statements, so the exploiter receives the statements and the elder and
his/her family never see overdrafts, unauthorized credit card expenditures,
etc.
Estate planning, with the help of an attorney specializing in elder law, includes
strategies to make sure the elder’s assets will be disposed of according to the
elder’s wishes, as expressed to the family in official documents. For example,
creating a trust can shield assets from the effects of a changed will.
Occasionally, tell your elder, “Let’s review your estate documents, and see if
we need to change anything. By the way, have
you changed anything?” That’s also a good time to remind elders they never
should give personal information to someone who contacts them to try to sell
goods or services, or who says he or she is a representative of a government
agency (government agencies do not call to obtain or “verify” information.)
Is your elder’s
personality or appearance deteriorating? If an elder is exploited by a
caregiver, another family member or a new acquaintance, you might be able to
detect changes in the elder’s personality… nervousness, suspicion, withdrawal
from normal activities, hesitancy to speak or make eye contact, for example. He
or she also might exhibit poor hygiene or evidence of malnutrition. There might
be unexplained bruises or other injuries, if he or she is being abused
physically. The home might be dirty and unkempt. These are all signs that abuse
might be occurring.
Put a stop to it.
Talk to your elder. Express your concern, in a gentle way, using specific
examples of what you have noticed. Remind him or her of your love and support,
and ask questions. Don’t be discouraged if your elder doesn’t respond right
away. It might take time to undo the damage. Also, don’t depend on the elder’s
doctor or other professional to discover evidence of exploitation.
Unfortunately, a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ mentality exists among many
professionals. Unless someone expresses a concern, your loved one’s doctor,
banker, financial advisor, attorney who does not specialize in elder law, or other
professional is not likely to identify and report abuse. The situation is
getting better, with the creation of Financial Abuse Specialist Teams (FAST) in
many locations around the country (professionals being trained to spot signs of
financial exploitation) but we have a long way to go with that effort.
When you suspect
abuse has occurred, do not hesitate to confront the suspected abuser. If
abuse is not occurring, the caregiver or acquaintance you suspect will be able
to explain the situations that concern you, satisfactorily. Remember that you
have your local social services department, Adult Protective Services, and law
enforcement agencies available to help. You do not have to have an ironclad
case before you go to them. Just tell them what you know, and have observed.
They are trained to investigate on behalf of you and your elderly loved one.
A
few resources:
Eldercare Locator – 800.677.1116
Center For Excellence on Elder Abuse and Neglect, University
of California at Irvine School of Medicine – www.centeronelderabuse.org
By: William R. Henry, Jr., coauthor, with elder law attorney
A. Frank Johns, Jr., of The Crown of Life
Society, the first novel devoted to elder exploitation and family
caregiving. More information about the book and its authors, and resources to
prevent elder exploitation and to support caregivers, are at www.crownoflifesociety.com.
